Author: Ayse Daco

MY LIFE IN JULY

“If you want the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain”
Dolly Parton

As I write this, it’s the second of august and my life in July has been wild as much as it has been calm. Going back to work, moving into a new place, trying to enjoy summer with a still very present COVID 19, dating and missing home. Has proven to be a lot for me. When one of these many factors upset or lets me down. The weight on my plate that I try to forget about…automatically resurfaces. I think everyone can relate that it’s such a weird time. You don’t know what you can and can’t do. No matter really what you do, everything is costing a few pennies. There is this eat out to help out scheme, which seems very good depending on where you live but then again even more money. Life is very shambolic, I’m a natural worrier and over-thinker, so things I know I have to do already stress me out. Yoga has been helping, doing things has been helping. I wish I could drive, as I feel so bad for my friend, who always has to drive (I think she enjoys it though). She does it cause she cares and knows how my mind works. My second Roommate has moved in and even though it’s only been day three it has been so lovely having the three of us together. Well, that’s my life update, hectic I know.

Thanks for reading!!!

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Moving on

Even at the age of 19, life has thrown many challenges my way. Some I can cope well better then others and there’s just some situations where I break down and cry. Which is normal I guess but it’s about how you move on from a challenge, that shows growth of character.

When something doesn’t go to plan or goes wrong , I am ready to cry or have a tantrum or just get flustered and irritated which therefore as a human causes me to shut down. I start to worry and think the worse of myself. “It’s always me ! Nothing can ever work out for me” – I definitely scream that. The feeling in my stomach is horrible , filled with so much pain.

I’ve always assumed I had a problem, until I realised I’ve never been the problem and it’s other people, who get me in this mood are the problem. I do understand I’m more emotional then some people but if there’s a sense of clarity to what’s going on and a solution to how we are not going to end up back with the same problem. Then I will be fine.

However what may work for me and provide me with comfort, doesn’t always work or isn’t always understood by another person. Which is also fine , I just have to communicate that. Nonetheless, I’ve always felt that , coming up with a solution to problems was normal. The people I’ve engaged with, have apparently taught me that wanting to talk about every issue and coming up with a solution is just “long” and “unrealistic”.

Those words make me feel childish. Here I am with a solution to move on and then they just get written off.

Moving on is such a personal experience, trauma or experience that has happened in your past will affect your ability to move on effectively and efficiently. You could cancel plans and that person wouldn’t be affected whatsoever, however some people (me) can be so distraught they cry. Sounds silly but it’s a real thing. Moving on from being let down has been a real challenge due to the fact that it’s something that constantly happens. You’d think I’d be used to it by now-nope!

What I do to move on and cope :

I have a poster of mechanisms for example yoga or writing poetry. Or if none of them work I just embrace it and continue on with life. Usually tend to stay away from the people , or just know not to believe them all the time. Despite this learning to give people a second chance and just moving on can benefit both people in a situation, they might not want to talk about it because for them it brings up bad thoughts or memories. Learning to forgive and forget is also a massive step towards moving on, the relief you feel once you do.

Moving on is hard , just as everything else in life.

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FINDING HAPPINESS

“Happiness comes in waves, you will feel it again”

I used to aspire to be happy. A-levels took a toll on me massively. There were positive moments. However, you can only be positive for so long. So as a coping mechanism I aspired to be happy, it worked got me through the most stressful period of my life. Despite this, it came with the realisation that you can’t aspire to be happy. It’s a feeling that comes and goes like any other feeling. If you are doing something that makes you unhappy, you are going to be unhappy. If you are surrounding yourself with people who do things or say things that make you unhappy, you are going to be unhappy. During A-levels, I thought I was aspiring to be happy but I wasn’t, I just wanted it to end so I could have the time and energy to do the things that made me feel happy.

In society there is so much pressure to fake a smile because understandably talking about feelings and emotions are not easy, but also the world is a very judgemental place so expressing emotions is seen as a weakness-which it’s not.

As I go forward with life, finding happiness is something I am going to stop. You can’t always be happy but you can do things that make you happy.

Spend time with people that make you feel comfortable.
Try something new , if you hate it stop it , if you like it continue!
Remove yourself from situations that make you unhappy or uncomfortable.
If positive energy is not being reciprocated from someone and it makes you sad. Give it to someone much more deserving of it.

Now, I understand it can be very hard to do some of these things, especially due to quarantine. Everything is easier said then done. Nonetheless you have to try.

(feel free to disagree)

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GREEN THUMBED

GREEN THUMBED-an exceptional aptitude for gardening or for growing plants successfully:
DICTIONARY.COM

I can proudly announce that I am a plant mother. (Dramatic I know! )Okay … may have slightly cheated by buying some already planted but I did plant some from seeds. So do not get it twisted. I decided to take up gardening because it is something that I have liked doing from young. I just wasn’t mature enough at the time, to fully be able to look after them. Also this is gonna sound weird but having plants make me feel… less lonely.

Now time to get into the nitty-gritty. (scroll down for pictures)

Majority of the stuff I bought from B&Q, apart from a couple of pieces I got from home-base including miracle gro and red onion seeds.

The first thing was the soil. My dad wanted to garden as well so we bought a big batch of Verve multi-purpose soil 125L. Retailed for £8.49. The brown pots for a pack of ten retailed for £1.10, which I think is good, when you have Pound land as garden rivals.

The seeds cost only £3 for a whole vegetable pack, so hopefully by the end of summer, I will have some veggies fit to eat. In the pack you get Dwarf beans, spring onion, tomatoes, lettuce, kale, carrots and a bunch of other veggies.

For flowers, which I notice sprouted quicker I got Sunflowers as well Cosmos.

From B&Q I also got a strawberry plant. Which has been giving me trouble. Sometimes its happy and stands strong or flops down . So I did some research and from pictures, it looks like it is supposed to flop anyway because as the flower grows into the fruit-it becomes heavy . Hope that makes sense.

Aloe Vera I bought in Asda I think , with the help of miracle grow it is less yellow, and I heard if you eat when it is yellow its a natural laxative but do not take my word for it. I bought it to make natural face masks.

“to plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow” – Audrey Hepburn

I hope you found this insightful or helpful if you are a beginner. I know it is not everyone’s cup of tea but nonetheless it is a great way to stay productive. See ya!

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Mid-Year Goals

“use goals to plan your success”

It is nearly half the year , and I have honestly forgotten the goals, I made in the beginning of 2020. Quarantine did not make that any better. Apart from making me realise that I do have a goal which is to lose at least two stone before my 20th birthday.

GOAL ONE: Losing weight before my birthday is one of my biggest goals. Simply because I don’t feel me in my body, which I wouldn’t say is entirely a bad thing, because I want to look and feel healthier.
GOAL TWO: Take an active interest in my mental health. I would say I have a healthy mental health but with the way the world is going on…..I am going to leave it here.
GOAL THREE: Be more productive. I find it way too easy to curl up into a ball , lay in bed and hide.
GOAL FOUR : Stop stressing about things that are not in my control or are in the future. I would not be shocked if I am the only one who stresses about their wedding day. I am 19. What wedding please.
GOAL FIVE : Learn to stop feeling guilty when you have not done anything wrong . This one, may well and truly take longer than six months to learn due to the fact that, it would require me to disconnect certain wires and reconnect them to other wires. I find myself blaming myself for being unlucky and following the “why me narrative” which is not true as certain things happen in life that are not in my control.

Well I hope you enjoyed , I will give a more in depth update about how I am achieving my goals, to show that I am trying to achieve them. see ya !